Loving Kindness Changes How You See
There is a principle in social psychology that is called the Fundamental Attribution Error. It is our tendency to understand other people’s poor behavior as stemming from their character rather than their circumstances, yet if we do something unhelpful we give ourselves lots of grace, saying it was merely a mistake. In short, we assume other people make bad choices because they are bad people. This is a human problem that must be overcome through training our minds to see differently.
One practice that can help us grow beyond our defaults of quickly judging others as inherently bad is a type of meditation called loving kindness. Loving kindness helps us expand our awareness of love and compassion in our own minds and bodies, to others, and the environment around us. Here is a script of a practice to try. It will only take you a few minutes.
Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and enjoy a few slow breaths. Then bring to mind the face of someone you love. Take a few moments to focus on this person’s face and simply enjoy being aware of them. Notice how you feel as you connect to the love you feel toward this person.
Now imagine that your heart is filling up with that love. And give the love in your heart a color - whatever color naturally comes to mind.
As you breathe in and out, visualize this color and energy of love starting to fill your whole body. Just enjoy being filled with love.
Next, see if you can visualize this color and energy of love fill the space around you, eventually covering the entire building or place wherever you are.
After that, see if you can visualize this color and energy of love filling the whole city. Then the whole country. Notice how you are connected in love to all living things. Say a blessing over all who are connected to you. Something like: May you be filled with joy. May you have no suffering. May you feel safe and known, etc.
Then see if you can visualize your color and energy of love encompassing the entire world. Hold it there in your awareness, being connected to every living thing. Again speak a blessing to all of those you are connected to.
You are welcome to stay connected to this image as long as you like. But when you are ready, return to focusing on the love in your own heart. And then when you are ready, you can open your eyes and be done with the practice.
When done consistently, the practice of loving kindness will start to change how you relate to yourself, others, and the world around you. It is rewiring our tendency to fall into the Fundamental Attribution Error by helping us grow in the felt sense of love and compassion. And the more we experience the felt sense of love and compassion, the less we see ourselves as being better or worse than anyone. Rather, we are all on the same level.
Don’t beat yourself up if you find that you are at times quick to judge others. Be gentle with yourself, but also be sober minded that changing that default will take focused attention. Just 2-3 minutes a day is enough.
Here’s to practicing loving kindness and learning to live each day with more love and compassion.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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