Be PROactive not REactive
A major blessing that comes from working with clients, is that we often create something new together. In my work with men seeking to overcome addictive behaviors, we began compiling a list of common mindset tensions that are helpful to normalize how we often feel pulled in multiple directions at once. In this email, we are exploring the Proactive vs Reactive tension.
Honestly, this has been one of the most difficult mindsets for me to change. I have been a reactive person much of my life. Some of that is temperament, some of that is learned from my family, some of that is a survival reaction to life circumstances. Regardless of where it comes from, defaulting to a reactive mindset does not work out very well. For me or for others.
The Reactive mindset is harsh and relies on stressors for motivation. It is totally fine to be motivated by stress. Dealing with problems in a healthy way is called being responsive. That’s a good thing. But the reactive mindset is a part of us that operates like a vindictive little tyrant who hides away until we are faced with something we cannot control, and then it loses its ever-loving mind. It gets flustered, angry, controlling, manipulative, and brutish. Then, after it’s thrown a tantrum, it sulks back into the shadows, leaving us feeling embarrassed and thinking what the heck did I just do?
We can calm this inner tension by working on a Proactive mindset. Our inner tyrant rages because it carries an unrealistic amount of pressure, and it’s pissed about that. By taking on more appropriate responsibility, we can ease that pressure. A Proactive mindset intentionally sets us up for success. It prepares, it plans, it thinks ahead. A Proactive mindset knows that success is not guaranteed, but it also understands that winging it is for amateurs.
Here is a classic quote from Benjamin Franklin:
“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”
Man, I hated this quote at first. I could feel my inner little tyrant clenching his fists and grinding his teeth. But I’ve grown to not only rely on preparation, but enjoy it. Gasp! It now feels like my inner tyrant has his feet kicked back in a recliner with a drink in his hand. He’s happier. I’m happier. And it’s because I’m getting better at being proactive.
One of the most simple proactive practices is called the Daily Big 3. I learned this from Michael Hyatt & Co. who created the Full Focus Planner. The Daily Big 3 is a simple, daily practice where you write down the 3 most important things for you to accomplish that day. And then you prioritize your time and effort around those things. It might not be perfect, you might not spend as much time as you’d like, but you make sure they get done.
Let’s try it. When you think about today, what are the top 3 things (personal and/or professional) that you want to accomplish? Next, allot time for them in your schedule and then get to it!
Here’s to growing a Proactive mindset and letting our inner tyrants have a vacation.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom
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