Awareness is the Foundation of Healing
Several years ago I was running a therapy group for men in addiction recovery and we formed a list of the various mindset tensions the participants experience on their healing journeys. The first and foundational tension was Awareness vs Avoidance.
Awareness is the skill of noticing the present moment without judgment. Many of us, especially if you’re dealing with addictive behavior, have default practices of distracting ourselves, numbing out, or drifting off into fantasy. The Awareness mindset helps us reconnect with reality. This can be challenging, because reality can be uncomfortable. However, practicing awareness is the only way to address real wounds, get real work done, and make real progress on your dreams.
When we become aware of the present, several aspects of our personal experience tend to become more vivid:
Emotions
Thoughts
Urges
Memories
Mental Images
Bodily Sensations
It’s understandable that we learn to avoid these things. These are all avenues through which we experience pain. But they are also the avenues through which we experience joy. And echoing a sentiment from Brene Brown - we cannot selectively numb - if we numb the pain we will also numb the joy. Awareness gives us the keys to access both our pain and our joy.
On the other hand, Avoidance is the default practice of distracting ourselves from reality. This is a human problem. We all do it. We all have a choice to face it. In the modern age, there are unlimited distractions that we can justify while cozying up with avoidance.
For example: smart phones, social media, sports, food, TV, entertainment, music, email, cleaning, tidying, reading, doing “research,” shopping, exercise, kids activities, complaining, blaming, volunteering, doing something because “nobody else will,” etc. etc. etc.
None of these things are inherently evil, but they often become excuses, justifications, denials - ways to avoid our reality. Steven Pressfiled, in his classic book, The War of Art, refers to this tendency to avoid the hard stuff as Resistance. This resistance is in us and it intends to keep us at arms lengths from healing, creativity, or putting our ass on the line in any way that matters. But we don’t have to submit to this inner resistance. We can learn to focus, know ourselves, and get on track. The only catch is that growing our awareness takes consistent practice.
Start with this:
Get a paper journal and a pen. Write down the following: 1) Your THOUGHTS and FEELINGS, 2) What you are GRATEFUL for, 3) One thing you MUST DO today that matters to you.
This can take as little as 5 minutes. Whatever time you spend, practice this consistently, daily if possible. It will help grow your awareness mindset. You can do this!
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom
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