Get Off The Dreadmill
Have you ever felt like you were doomed to a life of continual drudgery with no escape? That’s a perspective that me and a client have dubbed the “dreadmill.” It’s the felt sense of being carried along by some unseen force into a future of meaninglessness and hardship. No matter what you do, the dreadmill continues to move. It takes no notice of you and cares not if you have the capacity to withstand what is coming, so you start to feel like you’re drowning, overwhelmed by the onslaught of life. You start to panic. And a voice in your head says that if you can’t recover some sort of mental, emotional, and circumstantial margin, then the end is near. The dreadmill will do its work and you will eventually succumb.
Many people feel this way. And it can be a brutal way to live. The only problem is that the dreadmill is not real. It is only a perspective - a way of making meaning of challenging circumstances. This might be hard to hear, but it only exists in you - in your mind and body. But it’s not your fault. It’s likely that these default feelings of dread are rooted in early experiences and/or trauma, which need care and attention.
But in the meantime, if you find yourself on the dreadmill, you need to learn how to step off.
I am a big proponent of not fighting against our thoughts and feelings. I think that only makes things worse, like pulling on a knot and expecting it to untangle. Rather than struggle against the thoughts and feelings that produce the dreadmill, we need a different approach. We need practices to help us breath, relax, and see things from a different perspective.
Here are a few practice that can help you get off of the dreadmill:
Acceptance and breath work - This tool is about slowing down, noticing your thoughts and feelings, allowing them to be present, and then focusing on your in and out breath. Focusing on your in and out breath brings mind and body together. Much of the dreadmill is future tripping. You don’t live in the future, you live right now, so when you bring the body and mind back together, there is often relief. You have all that you need in the present moment.
Intentional planning of good things - When we have good things to look forward to, it releases feel-good chemicals into your bodies. This is sometimes called anticipatory joy. Think of the excitement you feel before a fun date night, vacation, or holiday. Much of your felt sense of joy is coming from the anticipation of the thing - not the thing itself. Consider your calendar. Do you have good things planned in the future? If not, you need to. I suggest developing daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly rhythms of scheduling good things. This will offer a different perspective than the negative future tripping.
Gratitude - Gratitude is so often talked about it has almost become cliche, but in practice, it is still greatly underutilized. Many people know that a daily gratitude practice is “good for them” like they know that daily flossing is “good for them” but that doesn’t mean they actually do it. Focusing on what you do have vs. what you don’t have will move your mentality from Scarcity to Abundance. The dreadmill is powered by a perspective of scarcity.
Choose to want your challenges - This one has been the most difficult for me personally. This is an ancient practice called Amor fati - the love of one’s fate. It is not about giving up. Amor fati is empowering. It is about not seeing yourself as a victim. It allows you to accept your reality while also finding a way to make difficulties work for you. It’s the same thing as the modern adage: “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Some things you cannot change. But you can always choose your attitude. And you can often find positive opportunities even in the midst of hardships. So, when something goes poorly, say to yourself: “Good. Now what is my opportunity”? Lean in. Tell yourself that you want this challenge. The best stories involve heroes overcoming adversity. Why would you want your story to be any different?
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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