Grow Psychological Flexibility
There are going to be some days when everything just feels hard. Getting out of bed. Putting on pants. Making a decision about anything.
This is OK. This happens to most of us. The key is to not place too much value on our thoughts and feelings. Often we get “stuck” because we are either avoiding or at war with our inner experience. Rather, we need to learn how to have a more functional relationship with our thoughts and feelings while still being able to prioritize our values.
This is called psychological flexibility.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) has a tool called Defusion that helps people grow in psychological flexibility. Defusion is a mindfulness practice that coaches us to: 1) name thoughts and feelings, 2) allow them to be present, and 3) use our imagination to express that these experiences are fluid, separate from us, and temporary.
Defusion reveals that there is “space” between us and our experiences (thoughts, feelings, sensations). And in that space we have the capacity to choose our response to any given situation - even if that means sticking it out with something difficult.
There is a defusion meditation called “Leaves On A Stream'' that I’d like to share with you. Here’s the practice:
Create a quiet or calm space for yourself. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Take a few slow breaths to bring yourself to the present moment.
Next, allow your imagination to picture yourself being next to a stream of water. Take a few moments to just enjoy the water, watching it pass by. Notice how your mind and/or body feels as you are next to the stream.
Next, allow your imagination to picture leaves passing along the stream one by one. Watch each one as it slowly passes downstream and out of your field of vision. Then watch the next one. Do this several times.
Now, for a minute or two, any time you notice a thought or feeling come to mind, use your imagination to place that thought or feeling on a leaf and watch it float downstream. You can place words or pictures on the leaves. Whatever makes sense to you.
If a thought or feeling is persistent, be gentle with it, and keep placing it back on a leaf to watch it float on.
Continue as long as you want, but when you are ready to be done you can be done.
When starting out, I’d recommend just a minute or two and then work your way up to more time. This is not a magic pill that erases your thoughts and feelings. It is a skill to be practiced that over time will help you be more mindful of your inner world and cultivate psychological flexibility.
So, don’t beat yourself up when you have a hard day. Learn to practice defusion - 1) name your thoughts and feelings, 2) allow them to be with you, and 3) use your imagination to remember that these experiences do not define all of you.
Then take the next, simple, positive action that you can think of … it might be as simple as putting on pants. :)
Defusion can help you get unstuck.
Here’s to not giving up when we have hard days. You can do this!
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom
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