3 Parts Of Self-Compassion
When I experience something difficult, Self-Compassion is not second nature for me. I’ve had to really work at it. However, Self-Shame, Self-Frustration, Self-Criticism … oh, yeah .. easy peasy. I can do that all day long. The only problem is that beating myself up never helped me make progress in the goals I was wanting to achieve. It just added more suffering to my life.
When we experience something difficult we can either soothe that pain or make it worse. Self-Compassion is about soothing our own pain, just like we would for a friend. Dr. Kristin Neff notes that there are 3 key elements to Self-Compassion:
Self-Kindness vs Self-Judgement
Common Humanity vs Isolation
Mindfulness vs Over-identification
Self-Kindness is being warm and gentle toward yourself in the midst of failure, embarrassment, or challenging circumstances. We speak to ourselves the way we would to a close friend.
Common Humanity is reminding yourself that you are not cursed or alone. Everyone who has lived has suffered, made mistakes, and felt some kind of inner turmoil. Welcome to the club!
Mindfulness is a practice that allows our thoughts and feelings to be present with us. We learn to notice, name, and negotiate our inner world with loving-kindness. We understand that thoughts and feelings come and go. They do not define us.
It might seem a bit woo-woo at first, but it helps because it changes how we relate with our felt experience. We can become more accepting, more aware, and more able to press on even when things feel hard. Self-compassion grows our resilience. However, when we’re at war with our thoughts and feelings, we tend to get all the more bogged down in them.
Give Self-Compassion a try!
You can learn more about Dr. Neff and Self-Compassion at www.self-compassion.org.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom
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