Understand Your Place In The Process
Have you ever wanted some kind of positive change in your life but felt lost in the process? That can feel pretty discouraging. It can also become a justification to give up on whatever you are working at - a habit, goal, way of life, etc. I’ve thrown in the towel many times myself, but that didn’t get me to where I wanted to go. So, I started growing the skills to help me be a bit more resilient.
One of those skills is understanding your place in the change process.
When we face challenges, our brains tend to go into our default survival modes, which try to keep us physically and emotionally safe. Personally, when I’m in a default survival mode, I’m tempted to replay old negative stories, go off on tangents, and get lost in a victim mentality. Knowing our place in the change process is helpful because it grounds us in reality.
And reality is something we can actually work with.
In the 1970’s Noel Burch came up with a simple framework for understanding the change process. According to Burch, there are 4 stages of development:
Unconscious Incompetence
Conscious Incompetence
Conscious Competence
Unconscious Competence
Let’s unpack them and discuss action steps for each stage.
Unconscious Incompetence is being blind to a problem. You don’t know what you don’t know. You’re coasting - for better or worse. Since you’re unaware of any problems, you can’t find a solution. Some areas of your life might exist here for years. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it just is what it is - part of the process.
Action steps: Ask for honest feedback from loved ones, peers, and professionals. You must get out of your own head. Also, develop habits of continual self-reflection and learning.
Conscious Incompetence is being aware of a problem but lacking the skills to change it. In a way, I think this stage involves more suffering, because you are now aware but also feeling powerless. Due to the discomfort, some will subconsciously try to slide back into the bliss of Unconscious Competence by ignoring the problem. But it doesn't work. You can’t put the genie back in the bottle.
Action steps: Seek specialized help. If you know you have a specific problem, don’t waste time on generalists. Find the people who know your issue and follow their lead.
Conscious Competence is being aware, having some skill, and needing to really work at it. This stage is crucial because it’s where you establish new neural networks. But it is true work. You have to plan, review, practice, try, and fail over and over again until you get it. Many will get discouraged in this phase, which habit guru, James Clear, calls “the Valley of Disappointment,” because you’re doing the “right things” but you’re not seeing the desired results.
Action steps: Do the work and don’t give up. Commit to consistency and double down on mastery. Practice self-compassion. Embrace the discomfort and be kind to yourself.
Unconscious Competence is being skilled in a way that feels more automatic. In this stage you have done enough work that your skills come out of you more responsively. It’s not as much of an intentional grind. Congrats, you are changing! But true masters of their craft don’t rest on their laurels. They keep on working. Many in a healing process long for a day when “they won’t have to work at it any more.” This is a fantasy. When the reality of needing to constantly work on growth becomes a blessing rather than a curse, you know you’re maturing.
Action steps: Accept the need for constant work. Don’t rest on your laurels. Keep doing the things that have formed you to this point.
Consider an area of life where you currently feel stuck. Where are you at in the change process? What is an action step that you can take? Write these reflections down and get to it!
As always, I'm happy to be in your corner,
Tom
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