Hardships Can Become Defining Moments
I’m writing this email just after returning from a family vacation to Gulf Shores, Alabama. While any parent knows that family trips with little kids aren’t exactly restful, it sure was a lot of fun. In part, I think it was so much fun because of the attitude I chose to have. I was determined to have a good time, despite knowing that much can go wrong on a 14 hour road trip (and it did). For much of my life, vacation was the time where I hoped to get away from the trials of life and escape for a bit. Vacation was where all of the problems were supposed to fade away. Unfortunately, that idea is a total fantasy, so I would often end up feeling disappointed. However, on this trip I tried to stay open and aware of opportunities to learn, play, and be flexible rather than just try to check out of reality. Overall, I think I did pretty decent, which is progress! 🙂
Looking back on our trip, a key theme that I’ve been pondering is the idea that Hardships Can Become Defining Moments.
There were plenty of annoyances on this trip - various things on our van falling apart, like our AC going out when it was 104 degrees outside; gross hotel rooms, dogs barking in the room next to us; kids throwing tantrums (probably due to all the screen time we gave them, which fried their brains); arriving to the beach on a Friday afternoon, which was pandemonium; but the kicker was the Infamous/Glorious Dolphin Tour Thunderstorm.
One evening we decided to do a sunset dolphin cruise. It started out fine, despite being scorching hot outside. However, about 15 minutes into this supposed “dolphin tour” (no dolphins in sight), thick, dark, swirling clouds approached from the mainland. At first there was just a little sprinkle, which was novel. Kids laughed. Parents shared knowing glances - this isn’t what we paid for. It was somewhat romantic.
But then it started to absolutely pour, drenching everyone in the small pontoon boat, all while the PA system blasted a country/gospel track by Anne Wilson with the refrain “Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus!” At this point it was getting ridiculous. It was so absurd that all you could do was laugh, be cold, raise your hands with a bunch of strangers and sing along. But things took a serious turn when the wind picked up and lightning zapped multiple locations right next to us (this boat was metal and wood and totally soaked - not a great combo), and then things went dark - really dark - we couldn’t see 10 feet off the bow. The shoreline disappeared and we were in the eye of the storm.
That’s when the Captain’s wife, and first mate, started spontaneously praying for protection over the boat. This was getting real. That “Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus!” lyric started feeling more ominous than comical.
Captain Larry, our skipper, had decades of experience, so I knew he’d been through much worse than this. My rational brain knew we’d be fine, but my fearful brain was saying WE’RE GONNA DIE! I did my best to put on a confident face for my kiddos. My wife had them cuddled in the back of the boat, doing her best to keep them calm and as dry as possible.
Of course, my oldest daughter needed to pee, so my resilient wife told her “Honey, we’re already soaked, just let it go.” So as the storm raged, my 9 year old relieved herself right onto my wife’s leg (not the warmth she was hoping for at that moment). Eventually, the worst of the storm passed and Captain Larry brought us back to the dock safe and sound. With many apologies, he offered us a free dolphin cruise, but from the looks on our faces, he wasn’t sure if any of us would step foot on a boat again.
We sloshed our way back to the car and chatted playfully about what a wild ride we just had. Once we were buckled up and in the quiet of the car, my 9 year old said, “That was really fun. I think that was my favorite part of the trip so far. I mean, we didn’t get to see any dolphins, but it was an experience!”
This became a defining moment for us as a family. Something that seemed to be going horribly wrong, once endured together, brought us closer together. And rather than being a memory marked primarily with disappointment and fear, it was marked by resilience, adventure, and joy. It’s interesting to think that if we were offered a non-dolphin, soaking wet, thunderstorm cruise on the front end that we almost certainly would have declined. But now, on the back end, having experienced it, we wouldn’t want to be without it.
Later that week we took Captain Larry up on his offer and did the dolphin cruise again, this time without any problems whatsoever. It was nice, and we actually saw some dolphins, but it was kind of a let down compared to the thunderstorm.
This idea that Hardships Can Become Defining Moments reminds me of a book I read last year called, The Comfort Crisis. The basic gist is that our creature comforts might actually be contributing to our misery. The author weaves his own adventure story in and out of various research on things we would typically deem uncomfortable: silence, carrying heavy loads, being in nature for extended periods of time, boredom, pushing our limits, etc. It turns out that embracing certain kinds of discomfort fosters wellbeing. And after experiencing the Infamous/Glorious Dolphin Tour Thunderstorm, and seeing the joy we shared as a family, I have to agree.
Here’s to allowing ourselves to be present day by day, even in the hard things, so that our trials can turn into triumphs.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom
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