Understand Your Protective Parts
One of the most effective (and inspiring) ways I’ve learned to connect with my inner world is a therapeutic approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS). I find this approach very helpful in cultivating compassion for self and others, as well as helping to access and heal burdens that are stuck in our nervous system.
IFS was founded by Dick Schwartz PhD. It is essentially a gentle, meditative practice that helps you get to know and care for various parts of your personality - both protective parts and hurting parts.
The idea of interacting with our “parts” can be a little odd for some, so if parts language is a hang up for you, just think about it in terms of accessing disintegrated aspects of your nervous system and healing them.
When starting deep inner work, IFS teaches that it is most effective to begin with getting to know protective parts of yourself since if you try to access the tender, vulnerable parts of yourself without “permission,” then your inner world might react in an unhelpful way. This would be true for any of us in real life. If you didn’t know me and I just waltzed into your house and started interacting with your most precious people and things, you’d freak out and call the police. This can happen in our inner world too if we’re not gentle and take the time to get to know our protective parts. Your inner protective parts are there for good reason.
Protective parts can be proactive and/or reactive in nature. IFS calls the proactive parts “managers” as they are the parts of us that are like little kids in grown up clothes trying to take care of adult problems. Common managing protectors are: Anxiety, Intelect, Heroes, Performers, Critics, Religious parts, Jokesters, etc. These parts are doing their very best to help us survive, succeed, and be accepted.
Then we also have reactive protective parts that IFS calls “firefighters.” The language is a little dorky, but functionally very true. Common reactive firefighter parts are: depression, anger, addiction, dissociation, cutting, suicidal tendencies, shut down, defensiveness, etc. These parts are there in case the managing parts can’t keep everything under control. If the pain of our hurting parts feels too overwhelming and close to the surface, these reactive protectors will do anything to “put out the fire.”
I love IFS because it has a foundational perspective that there are no bad parts. All parts of us are welcome and worthy of care - even the difficult ones. This is radical self-acceptance work.
Gaining awareness of your protective parts is a good start, but the healing comes when you learn how to actually befriend your inner world. Much of our suffering comes from the inner war between various competing parts of ourselves. In IFS the aim is to end the inner war and learn to lead all aspects of ourselves with qualities like compassion, curiosity, and confidence.
If you’d like to begin exploring your protective parts, I’m linking a brief meditation from IFS founder Dick Schwartz. And I’ve attached a PDF version for you to use as a journaling prompt if you prefer (button below). If you’d like a book on the topic, a good one to start with is No Bad Parts by Dick Schwartz.
IFS Get to Know a Part - Guided Meditation
Here’s to befriending our protective parts and learning to live with more compassion, internally and externally.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom
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