Honor Those Who Came Before
I just turned 41 two days ago on March 2nd. One of the unique things about my birthday is that I share it with my grandfather, Arlin. For many years, we blew out our birthday cake candles together. If he were still alive, he would have turned 100 this year. So, to honor him, I thought I’d share one lesson I’ve learned from him for each decade since his birth in 1924.
Silence can be a gift. Grandpa Arlin wasn’t much of a talker, but he was a consistently safe presence. He didn’t spew mindless chatter (which I can tend to do), he left space open for me and other family members. His silence allowed us to bloom, and he delighted in us, which helped us feel loved.
Gardening is life-giving. Grandpa was always in the garden, season by season. Some of my fondest memories are tending to vegetable plants, waiting expectantly for them to fruit, and then joyfully harvesting them and bringing our treasures inside to show our grandmother. Time slows down in the garden.
It’s good to have hobbies. If my grandfather had a hobby outside of gardening, I’d say it would be watching KC Royals baseball. The games would always be on in the background through spring and summer. Not exactly a fanatic, he’d fall asleep to games in his recliner as if they were a soothing lullaby. Maybe the quality of the team had something to do with that too.
Faith is the foundation. Grandpa worked as a Lutheran pastor his whole life, so it’d be easy to get tired of religion and church politics and lose the spark of genuine faith. Not with Grandpa. Simple faith in God and loving service to others were the foundation. He kept the main things the main things.
Everyone has something to offer. As early as I can remember, Grandpa took me on ministry calls to check on shut-ins and people in the hospital. He was never pushy or expected me to do much, but always encouraged me that even children can make a difference in easing someone’s suffering.
Laugh at mistakes. Grandpa Arlin always let me be in charge of getting cash out of the ATM for him at the bank. Once the ATM kept spitting out waaaaay more money than I had requested. We just looked at each other, dumbfounded, and tried to collect our windfall of cash. It turns out I accidentally requested $1000 rather than $100. Grandpa got a good laugh out of it, never made me feel bad, and brushed it off as a simple mistake.
Your suffering can benefit others. After Grandma passed and he was residing in an assisted living apartment, I asked Grandpa what it was like living each day without Grandma, his body failing, and largely dependent on others. His reply was not what I was expecting. He said, “Even in suffering we can be a blessing to others.” He said that if he were not in his current position, then others would not have the opportunity to grow their own character by learning how to serve. Wow.
Keep training your mind. Grandpa always had a crossword puzzle handy. During most lazy summer afternoons, we’d relax in the main room and he’d read the crossword hints to me and we’d complete the puzzle. He did puzzles like this even in his later years and remained relatively mentally sharp until his passing.
Delight in the simple things. Grandpa loved the novelty of boxed wine - straight-up Franzia Chillable Red. He would talk about how “fancy” it was that you could stick the box in the fridge and that it even came with a spout! What a luxury- for a Depression-era farm boy, it probably was. I always got a kick from this, but the wine was nasty.
Leave a legacy. My grandparents’ estate wasn't worth much. When the house was sold, it pretty much went to fund Grandpa’s stay at assisted living. They didn’t leave much behind with regard to possessions or finances, but they left behind a legacy of love and service that made a real difference. And their legacy lives on in those who knew them, and we, likewise, pass it on to those around us.
Happy 100th birthday, Grandpa.
Tom Page, LCPC
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