How to Make Hard Decisions
When it comes to making hard decisions, it can be easy to find ourselves fretting over whether or not we are making the "right" decisions. While this is totally understandable, it doesn't necessarily get us any closer to actually making a decision. We can stall out, spiral, or feel paralyzed. And that's when we get stuck in the mud. Nobody likes that feeling, but we've all been there.
The good news is that I have a little mental equation that can help you get moving again:
Values + Capacity to Risk = How to Make Hard Decisions
Let's break this down a bit.
Values are the things that are most important to you in life. Values are not outcomes. Values are more like ideals, personal characteristics, or guiding principles. Values are the framework of your identity. They might be things like Freedom, Humor, Family, Nature, Service, Spirituality, Stability, Peace, Creativity, Adventure, etc. Everyone has values, but not everyone is aware of their values. If you are not clear about what kind of person you want to be, then making tough decisions will feel nearly impossible. Values provide clarity. They act like a north star - an anchoring presence to fix your sights and set your heading.
For example, if you promised your family that you would be home in time for dinner, but a client emails you right before you leave, saying they have an urgent matter that needs your attention - you have a decision to make. If you are not aware of your values, you may unintentionally act in ways that sabotage what is most important. When you know what matters most to you (in this example, being home for dinner), leaving the email for later may be uncomfortable, but you are empowered to protect the better things.
Capacity to risk is another factor that matters when making hard decisions. You can assess your capacity to risk at any moment by asking yourself, "Will I be OK regardless of the outcome of my decision"? If you sense that you will be OK, then you likely have the capacity to risk. But if you feel like you just won't be able to manage if things don't go your way, then your capacity to risk is smaller. Just because you have an opportunity to take action on something challenging doesn't mean that now is the best time for you to do it.
For example, let's say you have values of Freedom, Creativity, and Financial Independence. You are working a lame job and have been dreaming about quitting to start your own business. This idea matches your values, so check that box. But let's say your spouse just got fired, and one of your kids is having health issues. You are potentially putting your family in a precarious situation by quitting right now. So, your capacity to risk is very small. It doesn't mean the dream is bad or there aren't other options to get away from the job you hate. It just means that taking a leap of faith in this moment probably isn't wise. Can you live with the consequences if you quit and your family has zero income or health insurance while your kiddo is getting treatment? Not likely.
Working through your values and capacity to risk helps you make decisions you can live with. It minimizes the chances that you'll do something you'll regret. While outcomes in life are never guaranteed, this way of making decisions gives you a good opportunity to live your life in a way that is meaningful to you.
So, in summary, when you are facing a difficult decision, remember:
Values + Capacity to Risk = How to Make Hard Decisions
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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