Own Your Connection Needs
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what’s truly important in my life: family, friends, and connections in general. One thing I’ve realized is the importance of taking ownership of my part in building these connections.
In the past, I often operated with a “wait-and-see” mindset. I’d hope, wish, and wait for someone to reach out to me. But here’s the truth: that approach wasn’t serving me. It’s an immature way of addressing a very real and human need for connectedness.
Now, don’t get me wrong—there’s nothing wrong with enjoying it when others reach out. Of course, it feels good to be sought out and cared for. But is it fair to expect others to read my mind or take full responsibility for meeting my connection needs? No.
Mature people find creative ways own their connection needs.
They understand that it’s unrealistic—and unfair—to expect one person, one job, or one institution to fulfill all their connection needs. That’s simply too much to ask.
So, let me ask you:
Are you taking responsibility for your connection needs?
Do you even recognize that you have connection needs?
You do have connection needs—and they matter. But here’s the thing: meeting those needs is your responsibility. And it requires being flexible, creative, and intentional about how you cultivate connection.
If you’re waiting for your spouse to share all your interests, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. If you expect your career to give you a deep sense of purpose and meaning, that’s a heavy burden for any job to bear. And if you’re hoping a faith community or institution will hand you lifelong friends on a silver platter, you’re likely to be let down.
If any of this feels uncomfortable, I understand. Let me remind you: Your needs are valid. You are worthy of care, connection, and a deep sense of belonging. You deserve love and community in your life.
But here’s the catch: sitting back and waiting for others to make the first move won’t get you there. I’m inviting you to adopt a love-initiating mindset. Love grows where you plant it. Take action to build the relationships and connections you desire. And don’t merely think of yourself. Consider what others might like and join them in activities that bring them joy.
What’s one small step you can take today to connect with others?
Even a simple text can go a long way: “Hey, how are you? Would love to grab coffee sometime.”
Not every effort will yield a blissful connection. That’s just life. But adopting a love-initiating mindset will feel empowering, and you might be surprised at the connections that grow from your outreaches.
Here’s to becoming people who initiate loving relationships.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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