Ride the Waves of Thoughts and Emotions
This summer I decided to slow down, embrace the change in pace, and be present with the family as much as possible. Since our kids are not in school, we have many more moving parts, which requires more juggling of childcare responsibilities between my wife and me. This means I’ve been spending less time on my business and more time just being around - doing laundry, hanging with the kiddos, going to the pool, etc. Of course, I still have work to do; that never ends. But I’ve noticed something interesting…
When I’m trying to be relaxed and present, something in my body and mind still feels off. It’s not overwhelming; it’s just persistent. It’s like this little prodding voice reminding me that my whole life will fall apart if I’m not grinding and pushing 24/7. It’s been interesting to be aware of this inner voice yet not let it dictate my choices. The discomfort doesn’t stay forever. It comes and goes. I could let it take hold of me and respond by trying to grind out every little ounce of productivity possible, but I don’t do that. I simply notice it, feel it, and ask myself who I want to be right now. Then I do my best to act like my best self, uncomfortable feelings and all.
Just the other day, I only had a few clients in the afternoon, so I was able to come home early. I know I only have a few years left before my kids are teens and want to spread their wings a bit more. The time when Daddy is a superhero won't last forever, appropriately so, but I don’t want to miss it either. So, I invited the kids to play outside in the sprinkler, as it was a blistering 99 degrees outside. They loved it. We eventually moved the sprinkler under our trampoline, and I had the joy of watching them squeal with delight as they jumped around, the sprinkler tickling their toes underneath the trampoline mat. I put a beach towel in the Sun, sat, and took it all in. And yet, that little voice was still there…
Shouldn’t you be working right now? What if more clients drop off? Will you be able to sustain that? You haven’t done much marketing recently, maybe you should look into that again? You should look into a part-time job. If everything blows up, you won’t be able to support your family. Also, that tree branch above the trampoline seems kind of gnarly. Do you think it could fall and hurt someone? … on and on it went.
I’ve learned to be kind to this voice, laugh it off, comfort it, and remind it that the whole reason I work for myself is to have afternoons like this. I literally need to remind myself that I’m not in danger. We have money in savings, I’m good at what I do, I’m not alone, and this is ONE DAY, for goodness sake.
The experience has been a good reminder to me that the life I want to live is not in the absence of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings; it is in the ability to ride the waves of discomfort and put my values into action.
Just because you have uncomfortable thoughts and feelings does not mean you must do what they say. It’s important to listen to our inner world - mind, body, and soul- but we must decide who we want to be and do our best to live it. And living a life we’re proud of likely means taking action while we feeling uncomfortable. Parts of you will whisper I’m not so sure about this. It’s good to consider this feedback, but if the feedback from your mind or body does not match your values, you kindly tune out the feedback and get back to doing what matters most to you.
Recently, for me, that was enjoying a lazy summer afternoon with my kiddos.
What about you? Are your negative little inner voices robbing you of the life you want to live? It doesn’t have to be that way. Learn to notice them, name them for what they are, comfort them, and then get back to doing the thing you want to be doing.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Pagle, LCPC
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