Assess Your Mental Flexibility
How well do you pivot when circumstances change unexpectedly?
This has been an area of focus for quite some time for me. Historically, I have had difficulty adapting when things change, especially if I had an expectation in my mind about how things were “supposed to go.” On a bad day, I might complain, pout, wall-off, or act irritated toward others. I struggled to take it in stride and remain my best self. While, this is something I still need to keep an eye on, I’ve made some much-needed progress, which I’m thankful for.
Sometimes, stuff just happens. It’s OK to feel disappointed if something doesn’t go the way you expected, but if you don’t have the capacity to shift, roll with the punches, and try to make the best out of what life throws your way, you will unnecessarily compound your misery.
So, if you find yourself struggling to adapt, take heart; there are things you can do to improve.
The trick isn’t to just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do better the next time something unexpected happens. There are foundational skills that you need to learn. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) has a model called the “hexaflex” that notes six key elements of psychological flexibility. They are Acceptance, Cognitive Diffusion, Present Moment Awareness, Self-as-Context, Values and Committed Action.
When these skills are working together they empower us to embody Psychological Flexibility, which is basically the ability to remain balanced, adaptable, and effective in the face of changing circumstances.
Let’s unpack each part of the hexaflex.
Acceptance: This is about embracing thoughts, feelings, and experiences without judgment or avoidance. You can grow this skill by improving your emotional vocabulary as well as shifting your mindset from fighting against your thoughts and feelings to “being with them” instead. This is a root concept of mindfulness. Allow what is. If you allow it, you can work with it.
Cognitive Diffusion: This is about learning to distance oneself from unhelpful thoughts and reduce their influence. It might seem contrary to the first component, Acceptance, but it’s not. It’s just the next step. First, we allow. Second, we help thoughts and feelings move through us rather than dominate our experience and perspective. You can help thoughts and feelings move through you by journaling, doing intentional physical movement, or mental visualizations such as imagining yourself watching clouds pass by, and then, for a few moments, put each thought or feeling on a cloud and watch it float on. The idea is to train our brain to remember that difficult thoughts and feelings come and go; they are not permanent, nor do they need to run our lives.
Present Moment Awareness: This is about maintaining awareness of the present rather than being caught up in past regrets or future anxieties. The old adage “be here now” is appropriate. For most of us, we can easily be tossed back and forth between the past and the future. But our life is not then; it is right now. Focusing on the present brings us back into a realm where we have agency. We can do something (or nothing) right now, but we can’t change the past or zip into the future.
Self-as-context: This is about developing a perspective where one views themselves as separate from their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. There is a big difference between the perspective “I am angry” and “I feel angry.” Can you notice it? It’s subtle but important. In the “I am angry” stance, a person’s sense of Self and experience of anger is 100% linked. There is little room for anything other than anger. But “I feel angry” leaves room open for other experiences and perspectives. Here, the Self notices and honors the anger without being completely fused with it. The goal is learning to not over-identify with our experiences.
Values: This involves clarifying what truly matters to an individual and what they want their life to stand for. Values are characteristics that you want to prioritize. They cannot be taken from you, so they serve as an excellent compass for navigating difficult situations. If you want help clarifying your values, Google “Values Clarification” and you’ll find all sorts of tools. Try to narrow down your top 5-10 values and keep them in front of your consistently. Refer to these when you feel stuck in life. They will help you find your next step.
Committed Action: This is about taking concrete steps guided by one’s values, even in the presence of challenges. This is where you get moving. This is not about finding the perfect, guaranteed, or mind-blowing solution. It’s about small, consistent actions that are aligned with your values. Therefore, when you say “I don’t know what to do,” it may be that you actually don’t have clarity on your values. Because values always help us clarify our options. They may not be the best or most comfortable options, but they will be actionable. And action + values + time cultivates a life of meaning and purpose, which is essential to mental wellbeing.
Which of the skills above do you need to work on?
For me, it’s probably Present Moment Awareness as I can get lost in the various tasks that need to be done at home allow myself to get spun out with anxiety or dread. Focusing on the present moment will help me control what I can control right now and release the rest.
I wish you all the best as you practice Psychological Flexibility!
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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