Control Is An Illusion
Do you ever find yourself thinking I’d be happy if only my partner would ____________ (fill in the blank)?
…clean up after themselves
…be more playful
…make more money
…listen better
…be more intimate
…get off my case
You may not realize it, but these are all attempts at controlling your partner. It’s control because you’re trying to manage their behavior to deal with your own feelings. We tend to express our discontent through complaining, being passive-aggressive, or shutting down - none of which actually build a sense of team with our partner. The problem with control is that nobody likes being controlled. The person being controlled will eventually make the controlling person pay for it, overtly or covertly. They may withhold warmth or snap and have an outburst.
If you want a more loving relationship, you will need to learn how to stand up for yourself with love and humility. You will need to let go of trying to control your partner.
Check out this short video to learn how to stop controlling your partner and to find a more functional way to get more of what you want.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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